Below are the 15 most recent journal entries recorded in jaja_jessica's LiveJournal:

Thursday, February 26th, 2009
Thursday February 26th, 2009	http://community.livejournal.com/tinyrockets/
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Monday, January 26th, 2009
Monday January 26th, 2009	So, after 5 hours of crying today I realize how many people get their hearts broken a day. I'm one of a million. It goes aways. I look around me and I see people who were in serious relationships and they're fine now. I just don't know if I'm that strong. I can't just stop loving someone. Maybe I was never in love, i don't know anymore. I hate this feeling of nothing, this constant knot in my stomach. I know I did something wrong. I know I fucked up this time. I just didn't feel it anymore, I didn't feel like I was your girl anymore. I don't think I ever will again.
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Monday January 26th, 2009	Why? Why did I let you come running back to me? It makes me sick knowing you could do the worst things to me and I'd still be waiting for you with my arms wide. This time it's done. I hope you move soon, so I can go on with my life. I can't deal with you anymore.
cmnt
Saturday, January 10th, 2009
Saturday January 10th, 2009	I hate holding grudges, but I find myself doing it everyday. I just can't forgive or forget for that matter. I don't understand how someone who says they're so in love with you could hurt you so bad. I know it's okay now .. but it's always going to be in the back of my mind. I don't know if I should give my all again, i'm scared to get hurt again. I don't know why honesty is so hard for some people. All I want is for you to put as much effort into this as I do. I want to feel like your one and only again. I want so much from you, and I feel like i'm getting nothing for some reason. I know there's so much hidden shit you'll never tell me, and it kills me. I don't know, i've been in an awful mood.
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Saturday, January 3rd, 2009
Saturday January 3rd, 2009	You will always come back to me my green eyed boy. I love you. I have never been so happy in all of my days. You're my one and only. I was made for you my love. I missed your big gummy smile and the way you kissed me. I'll love you forever.
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Wednesday, December 24th, 2008
Wednesday December 24th, 2008	this is getting over youuuuu. You've always known how to take anything good in my life and completely squash it. I hope you move far away. I need to get out of this state. Why do you constantly want me to be as unhappy as you are? Because that's all I'm getting out of all this. This is the last time I'm ever going to get upset about something you've done. This is the last fucking time I'm going to sit in my room and blame myself for everything that happened to us. this time crossed the line, I'm done. It's time to make the past the past and move on with my life.
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Saturday, November 8th, 2008
Saturday November 8th, 2008	i hope you read this. Do you know what you've done to me? My only escape is in my dreams. I go to sleep crying and wake up crying everyday. I've given away all of my time to you, I was your one and only. Now when I talk to you, you tell me how happy you are without me and you don't even love me anymore. My heart is shattered. You were my first and only love. I'm never going to be able to look at another man the way I looked at you. I can never give my heart away the way I gave it to you. I hope you realize what you've given up. No other girl would do the things I did for you or give up what i've given up. I hope one day you wake up and feel what I feel. I hope one day you'll wake up next to another woman and when you say I love you my face lights up in your mind. I hope one day someone will do to you what you've done to me. How you smile and laugh with your friends is beyond me. I hope I see you around and just look right past you. I've been through the fucking world with you, some of the most serious parts of my life have been spent with you. And you're giving that up because I was "a bitch to you" for a fucking week. I'm never going to forget you and that's what hurts the most. No matter what I do or try to do I'll always remember you. I'll never forget those nights we'd stay up and just talk and not go to bed until we could hear the birds chirping and wake up at 4 in the after noon. Or when we'd get into a fight and tell you to take me home but right when we pulled into my drive way we'd pull right back out and drive up the river and make up. Knowing i'll never get to kiss those cute lips that were once mine kills me. i'm never going to be able to look in your eyes and tell you I love you. I miss those butterflies I used to get when you'd tell me you're on your way to my house and I'd see your car pull in and I'd run out. Or being in the red neon listening to Defiance, Ohio and you couldn't take your eyes off me and we'd almost get into car accidents just because you thought I was the most gorgeous girl in the world. I miss being yours. I remember when I was the only girl you'd ever want to see or hear. You are still the only guy i'll ever want to hold and kiss. No one will ever rub my back the way you rubbed mine. The only thing that keeps me remotely happy is I know for a fact no other girl will live up to what i gave you. Atleast I have that. I don't understand.
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Wednesday, October 1st, 2008
Wednesday October 1st, 2008	I find myself crying at the weirdest things. Everything I do reminds me of you. It hurts so bad knowing you don't care about me and you just want nothing to do with me. You were my other half, and now you're gone. I'm never going to be the same person, and I don't know if that's a good or bad thing. All I ever want to be is happy, and I'm just not finding it here nor do I think I ever will. This place is just a big fucking hole and it sucks you in deeper and deeper. I wake up in the middle of the night all excited to see your texts on my phone or a missed call and there's nothing there from you. We used to be so happy. There wasn't a moment in my life where I wasn't excited to spend my days with you sitting around and just being together. I don't know what happened, our lives crumbled in front of us and there's nothing I can. I feel so helpless. But I hate you so much after all of this. Remembering all the bad times makes me really want to go back to the first day I met you when I was 14 and just ignore you, maybe I wouldn't be so unhappy now. My teenage years have taken away by you. You're the reason i'm insane. You've really broke my heart and spirit. I've never been so hurt by someone in all my life. But I know I'd go back to you in a second, and it makes me fucking sick. You know how to manipulate me so good it hurts. I just want my fucking life back. I remember being the most independent girl you'd ever meet. I loved my friends more than anything in the world, no guy was going to come between us. I never let a guy talk to me a way I didn't want him to. I always did what I want and never had anyone telling me not to do something ... and look at me now, i'm a fucking mess. I don't know.
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Tuesday, September 30th, 2008
Tuesday September 30th, 2008	I hate you so much, but all I can do is sit by my phone and wait for that sweet vibrate and to see your beautiful name glowing on my phone screen. It's been days without you, and I have a constant knot in my stomach. Actually, it's been months without you or atleast the real us. I miss getting dressed up together to do nothing, or sit and eat carry out and watch stupid movies. There's nothing i'd rather do than just look at lines in your face while you just smile at me in the glowing sun. I love you more than you can imagine, yet I hate you so much. The past couple months it's been like we weren't even dating. I don't know what to say anymore, my heart's broken in two. I'll never look at another person the way I looked at you, Corey centra. I'm going to miss waking up to you and kissing you even though we had the worst morning breath, haha. What makes me the most upset is I know that you'll never feel the same way about me ever again. You're not in love with me anymore. We're broken up and you haven't tried to get ahold of me once, it's just not there anymore. But, I'll always love you. And when you're ready to love me and care about me again I'll always be waiting with the huge smile on my face and my little arms to hug you. I love you, I love you so much.
cmnt
Monday, September 29th, 2008
Monday September 29th, 2008	It's been so long since i've even looked at this thing. I need to rant, asap. I don't know what the hell is going on in my life anymore, i've seriously lost all fucking control. It's sick, really. The past year i've been worshiping a guy ... i've lost all my best friends, really everything. Now, the past month has been really fucked up. I broke up with him for a reason, felt bad moved back in with him, got into a fucking huge fued and here i am now. I have no clue what to do. I feel like a little girl again. I just sit at my house, just sitting. I don't like feel anything. Saturday was way to fucking weird for me to handle and nothing like that should ever happen. It's really weird I'm so paranoid corey's going to find something out when we're not dating ... but then i think what the fuck we're broken up! I can do whatever I want. I just feel really guilty afterwards, or something.... I don't understand me. I don't even know who I am anymore. I used to be the fun person at the party, now i'm a weirdo and just look at my phone. I can't deal anymore. I miss me. I'm so baffled I can't even cry. Driving with my friends and them having like their own little weird sayings that I don't know about anymore makes me SO fucking sad. I used to be them. How can so much change in a year? I hate corey. I've given up fucking everything for that kid, and i'm the bad person? Fuck me, sorry i want friends. I just want to have a normal life again. I really never want to date ever again, i've been drained emotionally. it's sick, really.
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Monday, February 26th, 2007
Monday February 26th, 2007	I'm depressed. I feel really lonely, I don't even know why. I got fucked over for the first time in forever, I don't even know if the dude liked me like that .. he sure acted like it. He still calls me and hangs out with me, but I'm not going to pursue anything more than a friendship now that that happened. It's disappointing that I finally found someone I thought was amazing and not just another downriver piece of shit and he ends up being just like everyone else, if not worse. I take things too seriously, i let things upset me way too easily. I used to be one of those people who just didn't care and could brush anything off, but as of the past 4 months it's just different. I'm letting little things get to me that shouldn't even really matter. I'm just sick of being alone, when I want something so bad. I really wish school was over 'cause i'm really stressed for some reason. I need like a vacation to Vancouver and I don't want a soul to know about it. Over the summer I think I'm going to spend a couple weeks in Toronto with some family. I'm so happy none of my family lives in this country I get to take really sweet trips. I was thinking about asking my mom if we could go out to Chicago, i fucking love it there. I don't know I need someone to make me happy. My friends sure are doing a lousy job.
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Saturday, February 17th, 2007
Saturday February 17th, 2007	Join miniaturess today.
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Sunday, December 17th, 2006
Sunday December 17th, 2006	I'm distraught right now. I've realized people get the wrong impression of me. It's usually a bad one. Drinking, smoking, and promiscuity. I hate being in a state of vulnerability. So, I just make jokes about it, even though the things people say are usually false accusations. I go along with it anyway, because people will think I'm lying anyway if I deny it. I'd love if I could start ALL over, I would do so many things differently. It's all gone too far for me to change anything, if so people would think I'm being fake and so on. I'm really not like how I act, I mean that in the least fake way possible. I'm way more laid back, and chill. The only reason I act loud and such is because if I don't act that way people automatically come to a conclusions somethings wrong, and they'll be bothering me the whole damn night about it. I actually am a really nice person, I just wish someone would see that. I know I've messed up in my past, everyone does, that doesn't mean I'm a terrible person. Everyone is a hypocrite, even I am. But people won't admit it, and I hate that more than anything. For example; guys who say I'm a slut when they've slept with over 20 girls. I also hate the fact people think I "talk shit", it's not shit talking if it's the truth. If you would like to do something about it do it. I want to meet new people so badly. That's the only bad thing about Downriver, EVERYONE knows EVERYONE. Usually, they don't think to fondly of each other. I'm determined to meet someone new. I'm sick of dating a boy and completely trying to change myself. IE; Stop drinking, and smoking. I like to drink, although I don't smoke as much as I used to I still like to do it occasionally. If you like me then don't make me stop what I like doing. Don't come around when I'm smoking or drinking. Current Mood: sad
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Friday, September 8th, 2006
Friday September 8th, 2006	It's my birthday.
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Tuesday, August 1st, 2006
Tuesday August 1st, 2006	FRIENDS ONLY. NEW JOURNAL. ADD ME.
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